


Leave Her, Jonny, Leave Her

by Angel_of_Brahma



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Bedtime Stories, Bittersweet Ending, Brief appearance of Gunpowder Tim, Complicated emotions about your abuser, Death to the Mechanisms Spoilers, Dissociation, Dr Carmilla's A+ Parenting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, Grounding, Healing, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Autistic Nastya Rasputina, Implied Jonny/Tim/Brian, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kinda, Out (the mechanisms), Pre-Out, Self destructive tenancies, Sick Character, Suicidal Ideation, Trauma, Trauma processing as a found family, autistic author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26801722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_of_Brahma/pseuds/Angel_of_Brahma
Summary: 5 times Jonny and Nastya got eachother through the worst and the one time Nastya wasn't there.
Relationships: Jonny d'Ville & Nastya Rasputina
Comments: 39
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

Collapsed against the cold hull of the Aurora, Nastya let out a sigh. She pulled her knees up to her chest, no longer caring if her own silver blood stained her pitch black clothes. In the simplest way, she  _ hurt _ . Her head pounded, like an echo of the initial impact. Like it would be there for the rest of time. Her limbs couldn't carry her, they ached too from exhaustion.

"Nastya? Jesus, you look like shit." The deep voice echoed into the room - Jonny D'Ville, bastard first mate of the Aurora crew.

"Considerate as ever, Jonny." Her tone was as kind as she could keep it; she didn't have the energy to deal with his usual antics without falling apart.

He was standing in the doorway, shock and fear not painted on his face but creeping its way in slowly. He paced over to her as he spoke, eventually slumping down to it beside her on the floor. 

"You don't have to talk about it..."

"Good."

_ "But _ if this is something the doctor did I think I deserve to know."

Nastya was silent, still. Her eyes glazed over as she balled her hands up in her trousers.

"It's nothing," she murmured so quietly Jonny could barely hear "It's stupid, forget it. It won't happen again."

"Nastya..."

"Jonny, I don't want to talk." She snapped. 

His eyes widened at that. Nastya was slow to anger at the best of days. 

"What can I do here? I want to help." He sounded so genuine, so scared. It made Nastya's stomach twist. She didn't trust it, she couldn't trust it. 

"You don't have to." She simply said. 

Jonny just looked at her. 

"Nastya, you need someone to take care of you. You're a wreck, like it or not. I'm trying to help. You know I'm never like this, use it for all it's fucking worth while you can."

Nastya smiled a little at that, a weak improvement but an improvement nonetheless. 

"Tea? If it’s not too much, I mean."

Without a word he left and Nastya was alone again. She took a deep, slow breath, an attempt to fight back the fear that threatened to consume her as Doctor Carmilla's words cycled through her head, over and over again. The scene wouldn't stop repeating behind her eyes - the good doctor with a wrench in her hand, screaming and shouting. When the blow hit Nastya she hid her pain as best she could. It was easier for everyone that way. She was immortal, there was no need to be so weak. The rest of the crew never acted so sensitive, least of all Jonny.

"I'm back." Jonny was grinning as he entered. Nastya didn't meet his eyes when he entered, the stimuli was far too much. Luckily that was one of the few things Jonny wouldn't tease her for, he understood why. He wasn't that much of a dick. He held up the mug of tea. "It's peppermint, weak as fuck but I know it's your favourite." He sat it down with a clumsy clunking sound as he sat back on the floor beside her. "Got you your weighted blanket too, and your headphones if you need them." He held each up as he mentioned them.

Nastya threw the blanket over her lap, taking the warm mug into her hands and sipping in silence.

"Why" she finally asked "are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Being  _ nice _ . It's scary."

He leaned back, nudging her shoulder gently.

"Don't make me say it." He grumbled good-naturedly but stubbornly. 

She just stared at him, dark eyes expectant. He let out a relenting sigh.

"Listen, don't be getting any ideas. This isn't fucking permanent but-"

"But?"

"You're my sister, the closest thing to family I have in this hellhole. I- we need to have each other's back, y'know?"

Nastya grinned, dark hair falling over her face. She took another slow drink of tea, it burned her throat but she couldn't find it in her to care. She almost found it comforting. It felt like home.

"You're going soft, D'Ville." She chided.

"Oh, can it, ship-fucker."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw for dissociation and complex emotions abt trauma and ur abuser in this chapter - stay safe!

Jonny wasn’t there.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Physically the first mate stood as imposing as he usually did, belts jingling as he walked. He drew the eyes of everyone in a room when he entered for better or for worse. Nastya was used to crawling in vents and slinking through doorways, she could command attention when she needed, of course, but her work was best done alone.

But that wasn’t the point, the point was that mentally Jonny had checked out. It was Tim who noticed first. After too many far off stares, too much mumbling to himself Tim knew something was wrong.

“When I tried to ask” Tim admitted to Nastya in confidence “He shot me in the arm. After I got Marius to patch it up… well, it was either you or Brian. You’re the only ones who can help him when he’s like that. I try but-”

“Tim, it’s okay.” Nastya reassured him with a hand on his shoulder. 

To his testament, the wound in his shoulder looked ghastly; already blood was beginning to leak through the hastily done bandages. She supposed it was lucky they were immortal given the state of the ship’s medical wing. She still cringed at the memory of Marius  _ insisting  _ leeches were a valid medical tool and chasing the crew around the ship with them. 

“I just- fuck, I care about him. I care about him so much and I feel like-”

“You feel like he can’t possibly know how strong that is for you because he’s as socially adept as a doorframe.”

“Not just that, I feel like I can’t help him sometimes. I feel like I don’t know how to.”

“I understand.” She said softly. “You have forever to work it out, and you always have Brian and I to steer you in the right direction.”

Tim smiled at that.

“Thank you Nastya.”

“It’s nothing, go rest up sparks. Where did you say he was again?”

“His room, I think. If not there, probably the engine room.”

Nastya nodded, turning wordlessly to find him. Jonny’s room (which he had lovingly dubbed “Captain’s Quarters”) was on the far side of the ship, down a snaking narrow corridor across from the kitchen. Still, it didn’t take Nastya too long to get there. A few centuries living with her love Aurora allowed her time enough to memorise all the secret passageways she would ever need.

She knocked on the door, a familiar rhythm that was a code between the two. She waited for a few seconds before opening the door.

She found him where she expected, huddled under a desk with his knees pulled up to his chest. He didn't look at her as she entered. He looked hollow, like part of him had left his body. 

"Jonny" she said as she entered "Its me, Nastya."

"Nastya." He echoed, his voice cold and empty. 

She nodded. 

"I'm here to help."

"Don't need help."

"Jonny-"

"I'm just… Just foggy right now. Like I'm a step back from my body? I'm okay."

"Can I sit with you for a while, at least?" 

He was still for a moment, back pressing harsh against the steel wall behind him. Finally, he gave a small sharp nod and Nastya climbed under the desk with him. 

She didn't touch him but sat close. She could ask if he needed contact in time. For now she was reminded of the days centuries ago when they would huddle in the vents together, both still slight and short, muscles stiff and aching to hide from-

Oh.

Nastya took a slow, deep breath. 

"You don't have to answer this but is this about her? Is this a bad day in that regard?" 

Jonny didn't answer but flopped his head down on her shoulder. 

"Feels safe here." He mumbled. 

Nastya nodded. "She can't hurt us here, it's okay."

"I know it's just… Sometimes it feels like I'm still there? Not physically, I'm not fucking stupid but it's like her words are ringing in my head and I have…" He was shaking a bit, voice slowly gaining its colour the more he spoke. 

"It's like you have to watch a train crash in slow motion knowing you can't stop it."

Jonny shrugged. He was silent for a minute. 

"You know what the worst part is?" He asked. "I think I still love her. I hate her, yeah, wanna tear her throat out for what she did but… I think part of me still wants her back here."

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"I don't know anymore. I think my brain is just running overtime, I'm sorry."

She pulled him tight, squeezing him close to her body. Jonny usually found pressure, touch and proximity calming. 

"Is this okay?" she asked. 

Jonny nodded into her shoulder, a few tears welling up but refusing to fully leave him. 

"It's okay to feel like that. It's okay to be confused and conflicted but you deserve better. We deserve better and we're making things better for ourselves."

"I'm sorry I'm-"

"No apologies, Jonny. Not tonight. Do you need me to help you ground yourself?" 

"You've done enough, more than enough. Just… ignore my muttering, yeah?" 

She listened to his constant mantra under his breath of who he was, where he was, that he was safe. She found herself understanding what he said. 

“My name is Jonny Vangelis, I am on the starship Aurora and its captain cannot hurt me. I have replaced her. I am the captain now. I have a family and she can never touch me again. I am safe. I am safe. I will be safe forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may have been a vent, what abt it. Fr tho I hope u enjoyed! If you have any feedback at all pls lmk!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nastya gets sick, Jonny is there.

Nastya had seen the shape of her own death enough to know this wasn’t it but she'd be lying if she said she didn’t feel like hell.

Huddled in the vents of Aurora, her head pounded, her muscles ached. She couldn't even think straight, really. Every thought she tried to have was clouded by heat and pain. She reached out a hand to pull herself forward. Nothing. Dimly, she registered that she didn't think immortals could get sick. 

**_Are you quite alright, darling?_ **

The message from her partner was sharp in her mind but she still found it difficult to cling to. She sighed, pulling her body tighter. 

"Not… Don't feel good 'rora." She managed to strain the words out despite her stinging throat. Her blood was quicksilver, icy cold, so this heat was sharper than the fires of hell. She almost felt like crying. 

**_Nastya, dear, do you need me to alert the crew?_ **

"I… I don't know. I really don't, love."

For a few seconds, Aurora was silent. 

**_I've alerted First Mate Jonny D'Ville to your location. When he arrives will you need my assistance to leave the vents?_ **

Nastya nodded. Really, it was all she could do. She let her eyes close, tired of fighting back exhaustion and pain. She just hoped to ride this out as soon as she could. 

She awoke on the cold metal floor, a thin blanket over her and a fever higher than heaven. At least Jonny was looking over her. 

"Oh, for a second there I thought you were dead." 

Nastya used the last of her energy to crack a grin. 

"Feel like it."

Jonny half laughed at that. 

"You want me to kill you and call it a day?" 

Nastya shook her head weakly. 

"Well, I can take you to Marius-" 

"I don't need him trying to balance my humours again." She groaned. "I'm not even human, for gods' sake."

Jonny was silent for a moment, as if weighing up his options. 

"How can I help, Nastya?" His voice was tinged in genuine concern.

Her voice came out as a mumble.

“Tell me a story?”

“A story?”

She nodded, burying her face into the threadbare blanket she was wrapped in.

“She… ‘rora sucks at telling them.” She said, voice still flooded with fondness. “Wanna hear something good.”

Jonny sighed, rolling his eyes as he reached a hand to her forehead. Her skin was blistering hot. Without skipping a beat, he reached into a rucksack with a bottle of water in it.

“Drink this first.”

Nastya glowered at her brother but pushed herself up just enough on her elbows to be able to sip at the bottle. Jonny kept a hand in her hair, a gentle reassurance to keep her steady.

“Right, where to start… Once upon a time there was a princess-" Nastya scrunched her nose at this. "What?" 

"Cliche." She stated.

"Shut up and drink your water. You asked for this."

She rolled her eyes but took another drink all the same. 

"Need painkillers?" He asked, already reaching into his bag. 

"Yeah." She took the two pills from his hand and swallowed them swiftly. "God, mom. Didn't know you cared."

"Shut up." He choked out through a laugh. 

She nudged him gently, then slumped to the ground. "So, the princess…" 

"Right so there's this princess, and she's doing her princess shit, like you do. Then one day she's kidnapped." 

Nastya gasped dramatically. 

"By pirates." Jonny added. Nastya pretended to faint. 

"So she has to adjust right? To this crazy, upside down crew that's murdering and pillaging left and right-" 

"And she falls in love?" 

"Right, because that's what princesses do. But first she gets strong enough to fight for herself, she grows whip smart. She finds allies and then she starts dreaming of a voice that sings to her, tells her she loves her and one day she wakes up to find a siren watching her from the rocks they've docked in. And she and this siren… They just know they're soul-mates, they're just drawn to each other. And the crew knows too. And they have a new member who looks out for them and protects them and- Nastya, you still there?"

She was out like a light, mouth half open in sleep as she clung to the blanket as if it were a teddy. She was drooling a bit, he noticed with a gentle chuckle.

“You two really are…” He closed his eyes, smiling, running a gentle hand through his sister’s hair. “Aurora, dim the lights? I think Nastya needs all the rest she can get.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >:3c

It’s the dead of night when Jonny jolts awake, blood running ice cold with terror and anticipation. Luckily, neither of his partners stirred. Brian had his face pressed into Jonny's back, his machinery whirring like a soft purr, and Tim was collapsed in his arms, face relaxed in sleep. Jonny smiled but something still didn't sit right. He rose to his feet, something in his core pulling him to explore. Pulling him to put things right. 

Jonny managed to maneuver past both partners without waking them. He considered in his sleep drunk state kissing them before he left but he thought better against it. The door closed behind him softly, the lights of the corridors switching on as if to acknowledge his presence. 

And so that was how he went for hours, winding down and around twisting hallways, slumping in the kitchen and in doorways before finally passing the airlock. 

For a split second he thought it was Carmilla, tall and imposing, attempting to crawl her way back into their family so he steeled himself. 

"Going somewhere?" He spat the words with as much malice as he could. 

The face staring back at him wasn't the doctor. It was the young woman who sat with him through the worst of it, who bandaged his wounds and treated his fevers, who grounded him and calmed him when he needed it most. 

Nastya smiled a little as she spoke.

"Out."

She was shaking, scared, clinging to an old piece of scrap metal like a lifeline. Finally something in Jonny clicked that he would never see his sister again. 

If Jonny could turn back time, he told himself, he’d do things differently. He’d be a better brother, beg her to stay, he’d make Aurora her’s again, he’d put things  _ right… _ but looking in Nastya’s eyes he knew this was her end, and he knew it was his job to get her through it so he put the mask of cruelty on again. 

He kept his voice cold, his glare icy. If he were kind now she’d never do what she needed. Time is relatively fluid, The Mechanisms all seemed to agree, but some things were set in stone. Love was one of those things and Endings were another. You can’t change how the story closes, you just have to watch it go.

So Jonny watched as the only family he truly ever had took one look out the airlock, what remained of her love and her home in her arms, and she pressed the button to open it.

“Goodbye, Captain D’Ville.” Nastya said the words through the thinnest veil of tears that blurred her vision. She didn’t look at him, but looked forwards towards her future.

He couldn’t keep his composure long enough, it seemed. He found himself speaking as if he couldn’t control it.

“First mate.”   
  
Something in Nastya crumpled as she turned back to smile at her brother for one final time. She took his hand and squeezed it gently, then letting go she stepped into the void.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cw// suicidal ideation, DTTM content, self destructive tenancies, major character death

Jonny dies in a bar fight.

He always thought that sounded ridiculous, maybe even laughable. A bar fight? He’d lived through a million of those or more. It was nothing, a broken bottle tore apart a mortal’s heart like nothing normal. He knew every strategy, he knew exactly where to duck and where to strike. He didn’t understand.

Then Nastya died.

Every fight came too easy then, the anger rushing through his veins swifter than fire. Every punch came with a rattle of thunder, every slash without remorse. He wasn’t afraid anymore. Some rational part of him offered images of Tim or Brian, Ashes or Marius, Raph or Ivy. They would miss him. They had lost family too. But they didnt need him, not really. They’d be fine without him. Just fine.

It was Brian who noticed first what was happening. He tried to talk him out of it, of course-- told him it wasn't his fault, that Nastya wouldn't want this, that he couldn't just throw his life away, that  _ they _ needed him,  _ he  _ needed him. In the end, it almost swayed him, but he pressed a kiss to Brian's lips and knew it was time. There was no changing The End. 

Jonny dies in a bar fight on some nameless, back-water asteroid. He can't remember how he got there, whether that's through the booze or the hazy memories of a sister he once had haunting him, it doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't really care. It's not important to the story anyway. 

When the fight breaks out he is at the heart of it; he is the thrumming, beating life of it. His pulse is more electric than it has ever been. He has his gun, he has his knife but all he needs are his fists and his teeth and the sureness of adrenaline. 

He almost forgets the point of this game, so deep the daze of a fight he couldn't even remember what started it. (Something about his mother, he thinks-) 

He is stabbed clean through the heart. 

And all at once he remembers. He remembers the days spent hiding with one young woman as family, he remembers her leaving, he remembers his whole body twisting and  _ breaking  _ but never hard enough to stick. Never right. For a moment, he remembers those he will be leaving behind. For a moment, he imagines Brian's voice pleading with him to stop before he gets himself killed-

He laughs. There is no stopping the end. Not when it's so close. 

He chokes out a sob. Everything hurts. This one, he thinks, this will be the one to stick. In his head, all the songs he never got to sing ring out, drowned by the tears and the numbness taking over his own body. He's struggling to breathe-

As his vision fades, darker and darker, he swears he sees Nastya. Her dark eyes boring into him with such seriousness, her black hair pulled up tight, her coat collar upright, pulled flush against her neck. 

_ "You're… Earlier than I thought you'd be. Idiot." _

He grins for one last time. He feels like he's coming home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who said the last chapter hurt them, well,,,, >:3c


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Out

It took less than a minute for him to realise Nastya was for good. 

For a second, Jonny considered going to her room and seeing her there. He imagined collapsing at the foot of her bed in tears and numbness and panic like he had a million times before, her dropping to the floor beside him to pull him tight. The pressure was a comfort, and her cold skin just prominent enough to ground him. She would run a soft hand through his hair, gentle and intimate as she murmured to him. 

"I've got you." She'd say, voice hushing him to be calm and still, drying his tears on impact. "It's okay."

Now, standing in the doorway, there was nothing. Her room was dark and growing warm, alien. The window of her room cast enough starlight that he could see clearly. The world spun, time looped, even without the Mechanisms. He felt wrong here. This place wasn't home without her. 

Nastya's coat, tattered and worn, hung over a chair. She must have forgotten it, he thought. It must mean she's coming back, a small part of him wished. He shook his head, pushing every thought out of his head as he threw it over his shoulders. 

He dropped to the ground, feeling her everywhere, like a ghost in the machine flitting through the wires. He broke, sobbing, tears hot and heavy, searing his skin. 

"It's okay," He whispered to himself, just like she would. He grinned through the tears at the irony. "It's okay. I've got you."

A small screen slid down, Aurora's only way of communicating with him. He couldn't hear her speak, not like Nastya could. Not like how she used to be able to. 

_ Jonny, are you alright? Where's Nastya?  _

He clutched the coat tighter, shaking as he spoke. He struggled, floundering around the first word for what felt like aeons before finally being able to choke it out. 

"She's gone- she's gone. She's not coming back. I'm sorry 'Rora, I'm so sorry. I should have stopped her, I should have-" 

Jonny watched through bleary eyes as Aurora's screen retreated. He was lucky, he supposed, that this was not his first loss. For Aurora… Nastya was her true love. She'd never cared for anyone before her. Before all of them, really. 

Slowly, a tendril of wires untangled from the ceiling, laying on Jonny's hand without another word. No words were needed. 

"Least we've got each other." Jonny said, guessing that it would be what Nastya wanted, though he had no idea. A lifetime of those kinds of guesses lay in front of him, he figured. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short end to this fic but I really hope u all enjoyed it - the biggest s/o to Ri for being my rock (in writing and in life) and to all of you for reading! Its my first time trying a 5+1 fic and I had a blast writing it even if i hit a few walls at points. As always, comments and feedback of any form are welcome and accepted - feel free to hmu on twitter @/angel_of_brahma or on tumblr where im a lil less active, my acc is @/floral--disaster
> 
> I hope u all have a wonderful day! Ily!


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